How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
