We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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