"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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