the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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