exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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