It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
