Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
