Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
