it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
