your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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