Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
