i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
