Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
