dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
