The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
