Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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