What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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