I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
