Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize