someone threw a dead crab at me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
