To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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