I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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