please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
