He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
