the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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