I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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