Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
