I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
