I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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