So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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