Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
