Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
