ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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