I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So vagazzling was a success
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
