so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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