Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
