I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
