i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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