I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
