i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
