I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize