M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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