You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
