The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
