When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
