I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
