Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
