I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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