You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
