If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
