I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This house was built for laser tag.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
