so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sarcasm needs its own font
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
