Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
