Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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