he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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