the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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