i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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