The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
