By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
