Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
