I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
