its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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