guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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