So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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