You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
