speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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