Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
