i think my tv is drunk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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