I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
