She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
