Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
