I hate your face
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
