Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
