I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
