I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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