we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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